Hello everyone, and welcome back again. Today I was scrolling Facebook and I saw this meme
And it it really got me thinking, If I was presented with this choice what would I honestly pick. In all honesty I was considering the red pill
. There was something about the idea of taking the knowledge I have at twenty-six and using it to help my sixteen year old self. For example In 11th grade I would drop my french class- I ended up with a teacher that was horrible at teaching (wasn’t just my opinion) I use to love French and would get a A+ to and A in that class, once I took her my grade plummeted from a A to like a D borderline F
. And that seriously hurt my GPA and really deteriorated my love of French. If I got rid of that class, I could have used that time as a study hall and focused more on my other classes. I could have a 3.0 or a little higher which would have made me look more favorable to colleges. Speaking of college, SAT’s I would have taken more than once, and I probably would have asked my mom if she could sign me up for SAT study groups or at least give me the money for one
. I could also use that time to ace my driving test on the first try and hopefully get a car, with that said car, having a part-time job would be easier when it it comes to commuting. College life would have been easier with a car (taxis fee add up!)
. As for high school boyfriends – there was one that really left me jaded – so part of me is like well wouldn’t it have been nice to avoid that disaster? As for the other guy after the first -he was a little better but basically the same =/ But the other part of me is like – yes, it would be nice to avoid the things that caused you pain, but think of all the things you learned from those relationships, the strength and knowledge you gained from overcoming those situations. You learned about what you do/don’t want in a relationship. If I avoid all of that I would not be the same person sitting here
. True, I do miss the innocence of my youth and the whole “anything is possible, hard work will get you where you want to go, justice and equality for all!” But the me now, is much more mature, and is realistic. Do I still have that idealist side to me who loves to see the world for its possibilities? yes, but I also have that realist side of me whose always there to bring me back to reality with facts and probability. As I was dwelling on this question a bit more, I got hit with this one thought that totally changed my opinion on the red pill: What happens if you go back in time, fix all those mistakes; but nothing really changes
? Okay, lets say you pass the drivers test the first time; doesn’t mean your parents will get you a car. Although the Red pill says you can fix your mistakes, it doesn’t factor in the other things around you that will influence your life as well. More so, to change the mistakes is take away the knowledge you acquired so you don’t make the same mistakes again. Just because I avoid the mistakes of the past doesn’t mean they wouldn’t come around full circle in the present.
Which got me thinking: It’s okay to look back at the past for a reference as to what not to do again, but it isn’t right to dwell there and thus, I changed to my mind and decided to go with the Blue pill, Take the money split it among my family take my proportion and leave. I’ll still have to budget my life 
and fiances, I figured if I only have 3 million to my name I can live with that (once you split 10 million 3 ways the remaining is roughly 3,333,333.33) at the end of the day it’s okay if I don’t get the mansion or the Jaguar
. A nice size house, with a nice size affordable car with good gas mileage with a nice size yard and in good neighborhood is just as great. I think what would appeal to me most is that it’s mine and it’s paid for. “NO MORTGAGE” 
Speaking of which, odd part about today, before I got up, I had this dream I was at NYFW after party and some famous designer girl that was there was getting interview and the interviewer asked “what do you contribute all your hard work too?” and the girl was “I contribute all my hard work to myself and to my colleagues and people I had met who were huge inspiration to me, but ultimately; the turning point in my life was winning ten million in the lottery, once I was able to finally get rid of my debt the world of possibilities just opened up for me and without having anything to hold me back, I went for it. Now I have a line I absolutely love and hope everyone else loves as well, an awesome sweet boyfriend, and nice little cute apartment. I’m happy with life and wouldn’t change a thing, it was a risk spending my last two dollars on a lottery ticket .At that point in my life it was definitely “Sink or Swim” I figured I’d been sinking for quite some time; at this rate everything is about to blow up in my face either way, so what’s one more risk, and luckily for me luck was on my side and the rest was history!”
And then I woke up thinking “was that my subconscious telling me to take a risk/ or was it simply projecting a future I could have-minus the fashion element side?” I don’t know, but the girl seem really nice in the dream, Still not sure why I would be at a new york fashion week after party…. 
I figure no one will comment, but I am curious to know for those of you out there, if you had a choice : Red Pill-Go back and fix your mistake or Blue Pill- 10 million in cash USD tax exempt which one would you want?
. But Lifetime- just leaves me feeling jaded- why do all these people have so many problems, its like the ppl you know are crazy you won’t call the cops on, but the nice ppl get thrown 
