Hello everyone, and welcome back. I trust all of you have been well and are doing alright.
Work is sucky as usual, I’m falling behind on my loans, i’m confident I can get everything back under control. Mom says I should curb my spending. While i’m thinking, “you want me to stop buying food?” I hate that i’m in this position where it comes down to “pay the minimum amount in full or buy food to eat. We were at that point where the food stamp benefits ran out and we were all feeling the squeeze of their hardly being any food in the house. I don’t just buy food for the house, I buy toiletries, such as soap and toilet paper, trash bags. I hate how she makes it sound like all I do is spend on myself. Especially when she’s benefited from the stuff I have bought.
That and it would help if I wasn’t paid once every two weeks. which puts me behind in bills. Any who, hopefully I can get to lower their payments.
Also, I have been having memory issues for about a year now, and they’re becoming more frequent. It’s getting harder to retain information. For example, I’ve been having moments when I forget how to drive, or that time I couldn’t find a plate and I was in the kitchen, it didn’t hit me to look in the cabinet-I went to my room, the fridge, the dinning room but couldn’t find a plate felt frustrated and confused for a good 5 minutes until I remember the plates are located in the cabinet. I do have moments when i’m totally fine and then I’ll randomly feel confused and unsure of what i’m suppose to be doing. I also had a moment when Iw as setting up an appointment to see the doctor where I forgot my birthday, I said March 24,1964, I remember thinking to myself that doesn’t sound right…wait was born in march? then a few seconds later it comes back to me I’m born March 24,1989. thankfully, I was able to cover my mistake and blame it on the work day. I tire easily now, and the frequency of everything is increasing.
I tried telling my family, naturally my mom thought I was being overly dramatic “You’re too young to have memory issues!” My brother responded the same way, until I gave him examples of when I’ve been having issues. and just like that a light bulb went off in his head, he now watches me when he’s around and makes fun of my memory loss.
I’ve also been having constant migraines for the past couple of months. Finally went to the doctor, told her about my migraines and memory issues. to which she replied “The type of migraines you have, require you to see a neurologist to treat you. She did put me back on my old meds, but my migraines still come, she said it would take about 3 months to get in an see a neurologist, I called the next day (I got lost on the way home from the doctors -my phone died so I didn’t have gps to get back, it took me a while to find my bearings.) both secretaries were out of the office, the day after that got a call back, that the neurologist office need a script before they can schedule an appointment. called my ENT to ask for a script, its been 3 days now, I don’t think they sent it over.
Have you heard that new Pink song “Just like fire” , there’s that first line in the song that reminds me of myself “I know i’m running out of time.” I feel like i’m running out of time, as my memory worsens, as these stabs of pain continue to the brain. I looked at the copy of the doctor visit and she thinks i should be checked for for anterograde amnesia. only my close friends, and i guess now all of you know what’s going on with me. It’s frustrating being me, forgetting something I should know the answer to, to have other assume I am not trying at all. Not having someone look at me say “Hey, you did the best you could/ don’t get frustrated, take a deep breath and take your time; it’ll come back to you.”