Hello everyone, and welcome back once again. I know it’s been awhile since I was on. But I trust that all of you have doing well and that you’re enjoying your weekend.
This weekend I have actually felt like an antisocial turtle. I have not wanted to talk to any of my friends or family members. And have avoided and ignored everyone. I wasn’t angry. although I was hit with a deep sadness for some reason. I felt like was in mourning but for what or who, I haven’t a clue.
Then a thought came to me around 3AM, I feel disappointed and uninspired. I’m a little further than I was last year, but i’m not where I want to be. things haven’t been going my way. As I was scrolling Instagram and tumblr, I came across some Memes that made me feel better….“don’t do it for them…do it for you.”…..”its okay to be selfish, and put yourself first.“ Usually in life and online, there are all these saying about: bringing a smile to someone’s face, making their day better, and putting others before yourself. But how often do you come across that advice to not do that. To look out for number one…i.e “YOU”. Its not my job to make sure someone is having a good day or to be the bearer of good news. Especially, if the actions are reciprocated. I figured i’ve given enough moral support to everyone, that I was left feeling empty there anything left for me,and for a lack of better words i’ve been having a s*ty time. So finally I was like “you know what, I don’t want to deal with people or their problems. I need some “ME” time, to figure out my life, what have accomplished, what still needs to get done. and what are some things I can do for myself right now.” All my social media sites that have messenger apps, I put it on invisible and refused to answer any messages. I avoided my family, but these walls are so damn paper thin, I could hear the complaining on the other side (not about me just life in general- didn’t miss anything there.) It was nice to just “stay in my shell”,I ate when I wanted to, didn’t talk to anyone, didn’t go anywhere and just let myself feel my emotions. The emotions that came out were pretty negative, but they were honest. After all, a person can only smile and be positive for so long. I’m human, I feel negative emotions, but I don’t really like dealing with them and I usually just suppress or pretend its not there; while putting on a happy facade. I know, it’s not healthy-the negativity its gotta come out. Once I started letting my true emotions shows, and allowed myself to feel: lost, hurt, disappointment, dejection, angry etc. I started feeling much better.
Sometimes what some of us need is some time to be a antisocial turtle. I felt as though things became clearer when I said how I really feel out loud. Changes need to be made, miracles don’t happen over night, but hey, it all starts with one step. That, and I’ve come to the conclusions it’s okay to be lost every once in awhile and have no clue where you want to go but know, you sure as hell don’t want to be here
. Sometimes the road map we had planed on using to get to our destination doesn’t work anymore. And sometimes the destination that we thought we wanted and would makes us happy; changes. Its okay, if the plans I had for myself 5 years ago, needs to be changed, discarded or tweaked a bit to fit my current mind frame and situation.
With that being said, I have been entering in contests to win trips to places (lets face it I need a vacation from everything like there is no tomorrow!), And if you guys don’t mind, I figured I would share some links, in case some of you were interested in winning trips to Europe. (There are Three links below, I wish everyone who enters good luck, and if you do win, I hope when you come back from the trip you’ll share your experience with the rest of us!)