Hello everyone and welcome back. Guess what? We all survived another week!
This week has just been one “are you kidding me” after the next. There was last Friday, when I wasn’t allowed to have the car to go buy sushi-which was only like 3 miles away. I had signed up for medical, dental and vision insurance. but after seeing that huge cut it would do to my check (after two weeks=40hrs I would only bring back about $230) When my average monthly expenses are $447 and as you know, when you miss one bill, you get late fees. Seriously, who the hell thought late fees would be a good idea- Late fees are only good if you can honestly afford a late fee. Mom started going off on me about that. I wanted to keep the dental and vision and simply do the NYS health insurance, since I make so little I could probably get the insurance for free, Mom is like “NO” it’s better to get it through the hospital, what happens if you get sick? I haven’t gotten that sick so far. That’s one of the reasons my fiances got out of hand in the first place, when I went to the emergency room for my heart, after 2-3 hours they’re like “oh it’s just your heart stretching just take a tynonel” I think when you heart feels like someone is squeezing it, your left arm goes numb and you pass out, I think it’s more than heart stretching!, She goes on about how it’ll work out in the long run, and there’s room to promote me to full time, and I’m just thinking “She does know this is a trial period and I could be let go right?” Heard the other Secretaries and pathologist talk about all the girls before me, and I’m thinking if the last FT girl left in August and you’ve guys have been through a lot of people up until mid-September… that does not reassure me that I will be here long. Which actually wouldn’t bother me…
I mention before about chart being misplaced in my last post. Okay so this Wednesday, I get into the work-something is going on with the department that deal with donations-apparently people who have donated this year have not been recognized, receipts have gone missing; as well as important paperwork. And I believe there is some money missing as well. I watched as three of the people were pointing fingers at each other, Apparently none of the records have been really updated since 2014. The head lady is like “How did we NOT notice this?!” then after they leave; cafeteria guy walks in, does a whistle and says “mmhhmmm…you know SOMEBODY getting fired today!” All I could think was “the system seems to be flawed all over.”
Got into the office, the atmosphere was a little busy and edgy; Secretary went through the filing cabinet reorganizing. Since some files were not where they were suppose to be. She made it sound like every thing was my fault. And how I need to be a bit more careful when filing. But I noticed some of the files didn’t have the right labels on it which can lead to things being miss placed. Also I watch her make mistakes every day. I’m not the only one whose in that cabinet. There is at least nine of us going in there. Some files I’ve seen miss placed; I know I didn’t do it because I haven’t dealt with those patients names and the file paper says before September 28th, so I know it wasn’t me I wasn’t working then. Then the boss comes down and mentions the tab dividers being on the top of the page versus the bottom. “I guess it must be a preference choice but could you put them on the bottom” 1. The Secretary was the one who taught me to put them on top. 2. I’ve been there for a month and a week. Its just if it really bothered him why not address the issue sooner ? So you get it the way you want, versus letting me continue to do it the “wrong way” . That’s on him for not saying something sooner. How can I possibly know that I am making a mistake if no one says anything? it didn’t help that I had a really bad migraine and was sensitive to the light smells and sounds. It wasn’t easy reading his handwriting its really messy. He complains about tabs that help him find the current report. That’s nothing; I have to read his handwriting that takes a good two minutes trying to figure out what he is saying. I get that its frustrating to not be able to find a chart. I know that better than anyone; My ID says office assistant- but in reality I’m a file clerk. It’s not fun for me to not be able to find these fucking charts.. I don’t think it’s right to use be as a scapegoat for a system that was already flawed long before i got there. Naturally, because I am new, it’s easier to blame me-no support system. I don’t mind taking responsibility for when I do something wrong- through mistakes that is how you learn, I just don’t like watching people make errors at least once a day-but apparently I am the issue in the system… If there is one thing that I have learned in 26 years, I’m s this ” life is consistent. Your life doesn’t just fall apart in day…its a downward spiral of bad things happening. ..little things at first. Then you get hit by a freaking tsunami and that! Is the icing on the cake…*
Thursday, Dr.E the doctor who blamed me for the last chart missing( refering back to my last post) asked me if it was me who found Diana’s chart while I was on the phone. I said “yes”. She smiled and did her silent clap and looked impressed. Then twenty minutes later she came over to the Secretary and was like ” I know why the chart went missing, you put my number on the wrong patient chart; which would explain why she wasn’t under my name in counselear, also the time stamp needs to be updated to 2015, instead of 2014 (which would also explain why the chart wasn’t in the right year). And Kassie needs to deal with this person because its not my patient.” Me: Internally *Secretary with her mouth open* “oh crap; did I really put the wrong number on the chart, you know Kassie is always messing up her charts, that would explain why her room is a mess and patients like to call back to complain! She could have fixed that before she put it back in the bin. She’s always making mistakes and expecting someone to fix it!? Sorry about the number, I’ll buy you coffee tomorrow….a large. Btw C, where did you find that chart? Me: in 2014. Her: WOW REALLY?! and I’m just thinking and all I could think about where her words from Wednesday on how “I need to be more careful and pay more attention to when I’m filing, And here she is over here making mistakes left and right.” I do make mistakes on the job, But I am very proud of myself for being able to catch them before I let those charts go back on the floor. [ For example: making sure there is a confirmation page from the fax versus a ‘failed’ page, correcting the tabs on the file (quite a few times she’s has put the letter tabs pertaining to the first name versus the last name-which can lead to the file ending up in the wrong spot. or sometimes her alphabetical order is wrong. for example she put ‘pit’ before ‘pink’ or finding a date chart in the wrong year.like a 14 in a 15 year]
The whole thing is an example of It’s office politics, I don’t partake in it. Thus, I am a mystery. I know they can’t quite place me in a box. They kinda give me that look that says “I feel like you know something you’re not telling us. . Thursday I was really proud of myself for finding that chart, For that did prove the filing issues isn’t always me. The whole situation leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I’m not so much interested in placing blame (although I think everyone could stand to try a little harder), I’m the type who cares more about the solution-to me that’s how we move forward. *Every time that Secretary gives a somewhat underhanded snarky comment-usually at some point later on in the day she gets a phone call from a upset/angry patient; I always do a little smirk; to me I just think Karma. as she’s “Brenda (the speech secretary) you won’t believe what this lady on the phone just said to me; some people are just so RUDE (while I’m thinking ‘you totally deserved it’.) Today was good day, I woke up not feeling sad, but somewhat hopeful. There’s just a feeling in the air that says “everything is going to be alright” I’m still waiting for the ball to drop but so far -, nothing has happened today. I guess I simply must learn to take a good day for what is; just a good day Also, got my first flu shot in like forever or maybe it was my first one 24 hours later my arm is still killing me. The nurse said b/c I handled the shot like such a trooper I could have two lollipops and I did. What can I say “if you’re going to impose pain on me at least give me candy!”
Oh here is another Rafe update; there I was minding my own business sometime last week, I was watching a video on my phone so I didn’t see the Message notification and he’s like “I’m drunk….You know what, screw it, I’m done trying to be friends with you and wasting my time, its over. If you want to get rid of me just unfriend me!” and All I can think was “this is way to do for 10 p.m. , and if you really want out of my life-which by the way the door has been open and I have said on occasion that I have no problem with him leaving; then simply delete yourself. Why should I have to delete him when he’s the one who wants to leave. It’s like damn just go! I think he does these “shows” b/c he wants me to hold on to him. and I won’t, I can live without him, but he apparently cannot without me.” about and hour ago he instant messages me again with “Hi” and I haven’t responded back, instead I chose to cut of the chat for him, so he won’t see when i’m on.I wonder what is the technical term for being past of the point of simply not caring.
Oh and my brother’s girlfriend’s dog is staying with us for a bit, Her name is Gabby and she’s really friendly, at first I was really nervous around her, because of my fear of dogs, stemming from me being attacked by a German Shepard when when I was young. But being around such a happy energetic pup has really been a nice change, it’s nice to have someone run up to me when I come home barking happily “Oh thank goodness you’re back! Take me for a walk the boy doesn’t get i’m jumping up and down b/c I have pee not because i’m happy! ” Or the puppy dog look when i’m holding food, but the best part is having her cuddle up next me when i’m watching TV on the couch.I haven’t had that type of companionship since my Cat died. That and it’s nice to know in the near future I can handle having a dog, especially one that size; not to big not to small. That and my brother is smiling a lot more too. He likes having a dog -he’s been ignoring his cat though (the cat is not happy) mom said he likes that the dog responds back while the cat just looks on. well, most cats are like that. I like that me and my tiger were very similar in personality, he was definitely the most expressive cat I had in turns of the looks he’d give me.
Well this is a nice way to end a post, I was feeling slightly sour; but thoughts of a happy memory make me smile. Have a good weekend everyone.