Hello everyone and welcome back again,
So I have come to the acceptance and the understanding that what I needed and wanted five years ago. Isn’t what I need or want now to be happy. For example: I did recently look up a graduate program in Psychology for my Masters (Since I keep getting that the question of “when are you going back?”, “Well it’s easier to obtain your dream than it is for me to obtain mine.”) Which brought up two reactions from me:
- Being a psychologist, was never my dream. It’s just that people like telling me their problems and I figured why not get paid to listen. Since most people know the answer to the questions they just want someone to listen without judging.
- I am nowhere near in the right head space be psychologist or even pursue that right now. My inner shrink is telling me “The last thing I should do is put myself into a more stressful situation that I am not mentally, emotionally ready for.
and as i’m reading all this information-I was so uninspired. That fire that was there before isn’t there anymore my empathy has gone down by at least 53%. And after working in office environment, leaving one environment for another same environment actually makes me cringe. I need an job where my creativity gets to show, and I get to change up my environment. I can’t help think of that quote from “The Contender”, “If you don’t have the heart for this; let’s do something else.” Well about two weeks ago, I went out and bought myself a journal and some tabs, and pens. And my inspiration for writing has come back. My dream, is to entertain people. I want to bring a smile to people’s faces and I do have a way with words. I always use to say “I can’t tell a joke to save my life; but I can tell you a funny story.” And i remember that time before I entered High School where I was going down a list of things I could be and on my list was “writer” but I have always been told by teachers, my grammar needs to be better , I need to pick which person I am writing in “first, second or third.” or that I write the way that I speak and it’s hard for others to understand me. So it really was my teachers that knocked down my self-esteem in that department it would have been nice if instead of knocking me they tried to point me in the right direction to improve myself. But at the age of 28, my thinking is “wait…grammar is something that can easily be fixed. All i need to do is review the things that confuse me about it.” I took a quiz online about grammar and answered thirteen out of fifteen correctly. So, clearly my grammar isn’t that bad, perhaps they were just bad teachers. Any who, I’ve been writing a lot more short stories. I just don’t have anything in me to write a novel. Perhaps some day when I have enough material to write full novel I will. However I prefer the fast pace of a short story. I really want to do a short stories for adults, probably because in my life time I only came across one book like that. I have also started researching publishing sites. I’m really looking forward to moving in a different direction.
At first the idea of moving from “Psychology” to “Writer” bothered me; mainly because i had placed so much time an effort into it, and it really brought me down when I wasn’t accepted into Graduate school. But finally i had to sit myself down and say “listen, it’s okay if what you wanted and needed five years ago, isn’t what you want or need right now. You’re not a failure if you decide to take a different path. It’s time to clear the off the table filled with the “plans for how your life should look” For that is not the reality you are living right now. Maybe you’ll re-circle to it later in life (if you don’t that’s okay too) but for right now, lets make a new plan that’s more beneficial for you and your needs right now in this stage of your life.” Since I decided to do that, I do feel like an unnecessary weight has been lifted and now I can focus on my stories. I like the convenience of having a story journal since I don’t have to wait until i get home to write on the laptop. More so, even if the story isn’t quite there I can always do a character map and come back to it. That and my dreams have become more vivid and i’m just like “oooh..new story!” I’m liking how my creativity is coming out in a constructive way. Plus, I think it’s therapeutic for me, for in that small space of time I get to live a different lives in these stories.
So my goals thus far is: Look into some good grammar software, type of the stories in my journal and add them to my laptop. Visit B&N and see if they have any material on Creative Writing (to make sure i’m covering my basics) Buy myself a new flash drives specifically for my stories. With any luck Mid-October to early November I should be ready to start contacting publishers.
Other side note: I plan on buying me the Rosetta Stone Korean (because I always wanted to learn, that and it would be nice to watch the drama without subtitles and know what they’re saying!)