Hello, everyone and welcome back. Let’s do a quick recap shall we. For those of you who don’t know today is my birthday. The big 2-8. I had planned my first solo trip to Boston. I hadn’t been there in ten year and it’s only three hour drive. I had planned on going to the aquarium and visiting a few museums ( you know me and my need to learn new things) but mainly I just wanted to walk around and simply be out of my natural environment. It was only going to a day drip so I didn’t have to worry about, a hotel. I had planned on going yesterday because today the weather forecast predicted rain and snow and with everything being near harbor I didn’t want to take the chance with the weather…So Wednesday night mom informs me the car needs an oil change and something else is wrong with it. Now i’m thinking; why didn’t she tell me this weeks ago so I could have gotten this fix? (Thursday was the only day the weather was perfect; every other day something else was going on.) I also found it odd that we just got the car inspected February. When the car gets inspected doesn’t the oil get changed to? So i’m thinking why does she have to be a cock block when it comes to shit I want to do? She says the car wouldn’t have made it. but I disagree. I think it would have made it.I should have went and not said anything. I did go to the aquarium that was closer to the house, it was nice but very loud inside! I’m glade I brought my headphone. Stopped at bed bath and body works. I had tried to distract myself from everything, but I was really bummed.
It really meant a lot to me to go on this trip, one my first solo trip and second. my eye sight is getting worse I really do think i’m going blind, the double visions and flicking/dimming of my vision is becoming more frequent. Naturally my family doesn’t take me seriously. And I did tell my neurologist and my primary care doctor. I probably should go see a eye doctor, I just don’t want to see the eye doctor.(well technically when i went to walmart vision center and saw their eye doctor she did mention I should keep an eye on my optic nerve worse case scenario is I go blind. So for me, its about seeing and doing as much as I can while I can still see well…
As for today, my aunt said she would take me to Boston…next weekend. Which don’t get wrong isn’t a bad thing, but I had taken off all this time for this week (is it wrong that I really wanted to celebrate my birthday on my actual BIRTHDAY). She also ask me to ask my mom if she wanted to come. Which totally killed my mood. How do I tell her, I don’t want her to come, “I don’t want her there, she’s the reason the D.C trip got cut so short all the driving…she couldn’t find that diamond she anted…she hated all that walking…she complained about everything that was interesting to me. “ My birthday was crappy, I didn’t get to go to Apple bees like I had planned. (I had never been). I didn’t go to the movies. My family didn’t get me any presents, there was no birthday cake, no special dinner or lunch( no one cooked at all), no flowers not even a card. My birthday was treated as if it was insignificant. You would think I would be use to it by now. Getting my own cake, buying my own flowers, getting my own gifts, buying my own special dinner only to have my family come out of nowhere and wonder where is there share? I put that song “Pity party” on repeat that lyric “It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to Cry if I want to (cry, cry, cry) I’ll cry until the candles burn down this place I’ll cry until my pity party’s in flames .” It’s like that question: which is worse: to be alone or be with be people who make you feel lonely? I tried to cheer myself up with, sweets, sake, a colorful bouquet of flowers, Chinese food. I even tried putting on make up and listening to upbeat music but that wouldn’t stop the tears. I just couldn’t fake it, i’m not happy. Its a sad day…it didn’t feel like my birthday, I’m suppose to be happy, but no one cares it’s my birthday. When it someone else’s birthday, I try my best to make that person feel special. For it is a special day that only comes once a year. But it wasn’t reciprocated for me ! Sure mom said happy birthday, but she still should have gotten me a card. I always make sure to get her a card, lottery tickets, candy, her favorite perfume, a book by her favorite author, or something she’s been-talking about wanting all year.there is 364 days out of the year to figure out what to get someone. I get my brother a card and gift as well on his day as well .But when it comes to my day my lame ass brother can’t be bothered to say “happy birthday” to me, I don’t remember the last time he’s ever said that me. Way to make someone feel completely meaningless. My family does not deserve me. I really wish I could come into a large sum of money so I could leave them. I ended my birthday with candles in a donut (to represent my cake) and a musical candle playing in the background playing happy birthday to me.)
*raises a glass * Happy birthday to me