Hello everyone, welcome back. Once again, I trust all of you have been well had a safe and wonderful fourth of July.
I think reality is getting to me, a little more so than usual. Try as hard as I may, I can’t help but be a little dejected about my future and well as my present. Sure there is a future I would love…LOVE to have but like that saying What if that future, I had envisioned for myself…i’m never gonna get? I feel as though I am perpetually stuck in neutral and i’m not sure how to move forward and quite frankly, i’m losing the drive to want to. Naturally, like most people I had an idea in my head on where I wanted to go in life and how I wanted to get there, but as i’m slowly, inching my way along…I can’t help but wonder “…is it really worth it all?” suppose I manage to get my debt WAY down if not completely gone. The first order of business I have and want to do is travel, I crave knowledge that’s something only experience can give me ( a classroom and text book can only do so much). But part of me is hesitant, if I get a taste of that said “freedom”, I I can’t see myself being in a hurry to get back into debt. via student loans. (the false promise of a bright future solely based on a degree, doesn’t hold as much weight for me the second time around.)
I hate the heat, but I have a sudden need to move to the west coast, California. I want to learn how to swim and become a surfer girl. I want to go beach at least 3-4 times a week I have even considered getting *dramatic pause* box braids or dreds (if i’m gonna be in the water that much no use in perming my hair). I also want to take up snowboarding (I’ve always wanted to learn) I crave a more laid back life, with as little stress as possible. Oh to have the nice things in life, a roof over my head, the necessities, a kitchen filled with food, an endless supply of toilet paper, a car with a full tank of gas, a hand held radio and cooler with ice and cold soft drinks( everything paid for). Sounds like heaven Perhaps my tarot reading is right and I need to deal with reality more, I don’t think I’ve hidden from reality at all, if anything I think I have risen to the occasion numerous times. I’m just ready for something completely different. Lately, I’ve been entering myself into different travel contest to different parts of the world. I crave an adventure, I need something different from MY ordinary. Plus, trips are a great growing experience. I have a strong need to “break out” and just “go” it’s the whole “sink or swim” “fly or fall”, I wonder if there is anyone else out there that feels the way I do. I need more than just a day trip I need at least 7-8 days away somewhere completely different. My current life, leaves me feel drain, broke, hopeless and quite frankly…I think reality is starting to get to me.