Hello everyone, and happy new years!
I hope 2016 is being kind to all of you. For me so far, so good. If i could kick this cold/flu I would be fine. Let’s do a quick recap.
Due to the Secretary being out sick a lot in late December, I actually did have enough money to get my family presents do we did have a Christmas. I was talking to my friend L, and she sends me a text asking me to call her as soon as I got that message. I called her, turns out that she wasn’t the only one happy in her relationship, her boyfriend/fiancee apparently was living a double life and had a mistress on the side and different social media accounts with different names. He left his phone at home and forgot to put the password on it. and L, being suspicious of his behavior went through his phone and saw the evidence and naturally she sent herself a copy of everything and showed his sister, the boyfriend came over hours later from “work” she confronted him and he chose to end the relationship right there. Keep in mind, she has two kids (one is by him) and she’s unemployed. (she chose to give up her job to be a stay at home mom months ago) – I told her that was a bad idea at the time, she didn’t listen to me. She goes on and on about how distraught and heartbroken she is and how even though the relationship was never good and she thought about leaving him multiple of times, because she became pregnant with his kid, she chose to stay and stick it out, and during that she “fell in love” with him (I found that hard to believe, people in love don’t put their partners down as much as she did to me-she never said anything nice about the guy when she told me about him). It’s literally only been a little over a week since the breakup, She has not gotten on public assistance. She feels too sad to go every day and can’t stop crying. (I get that she’s sad, but from my point of view-it’s only a 2 hour meeting tops to see if she qualify’s and since she doesn’t have a job right now, its best that she puts her personal feelings aside and deal with reality. Every day, there’s something that keeps her from going.) two days ago, she was complaining of lack of funds and how another friend was asking for money and that annoyed her. Then about an hour later she’s sending me a picture of this huge ugly looking Alice In Wonderland Tattoo she wanted to get soon. (For a person who’s struggle why are you wasting your money on something you don’t need. -I’m not saying she can’t splurge on herself, but with her current situation it would seem best to take care of her finances first-and then get the tattoo if she wants it later). Another thing that strikes me as odd is, she says she wants to focus on her and get her life and order and wait to date, but she’s talking to different dudes about getting into relationships. (to me it seems like she’s going through her Rolodex of past guys she spoke to before getting pregnant 2 years ago.) Her excuse being “because they live in a different state, its safer this way emotionally. It’s clear she needs a guy to tell her she’s pretty to feel like she’s worth something, if anything I feel sad for her. (the guys she’s going for are bottom of the barrel). She recently just started talking to an old high school boyfriend and now they’re talking about getting back together and her eventually moving down to the state that he’s living in (she showed me the texts-he sounded sincere but for her-I don’t think its sincere, I have the feeling she doesn’t know what she wants, besides to be told she’s pretty and desired by someone.). I’ll have to wait and see how that turns out, when you date someone with kids, its not just the partner you need to get along with, it’s the children to; all three of them are a package deal. Some guys don’t mind taking on the responsibility of another person’s child, but some do.
Now i’m thinking two things
1.) what about the whole “I want to work on myself by myself.” thing that she kept going on about
. 2.) For a woman who had “fallen in love with her fiance” she sure did move on quickly. But then again she’s like that with the end of every relationship. Which kind of makes me wonder if she has guys just waiting in the back of her mind, was she as faithful has she claimed to be...
Personally I don’t think, this is a situation of love, I think it’s about “settling” and I think it’s about “ego” they were both playing each other, because they live together and had a child together they might have thought they had to “stay” together.
Then I got hit with another thought, why do I care ? it’s not my kid, I odn’t live there and it’s not my problem. Whether this ends up working out for her, or she ends up flat on her ass, it’s not my concern. It’s her life, and her decisions. and my job as a friend is to simply stand back and watch.