Freaking Mountains

Hello everyone and welcome back. Long time no see!

Okay, so I did finish my last day back on the 14th. I actually showed up to working wearing a dress and heels I said goodbye to everyone and helped train the new girl. Wish I was given more than just a day to help her. But she seemed to be picking up things just fine and I left her a binder with a “how- to” on everything.

Getting back to the title of this post; I am fed up with these “mountains” life keep throwing at me. I don’t care for this obstacle course called life. Its like I take a few feet forward only to be pushed ten feet back.  I hate that I didn’t really get to enjoy my tax return. The stuff that wasn’t covered by my insurance for my vision which was only $200. Came up to $369, seriously in 2018 it makes no sense to charge for each eye lens for a glasses. All of us are born with two eyes. The frames along with the glasses should be one flat rate. I hate the misconception about the frame pricing. Where it says, “Frames start at $68” I think they should get rid of it. Since majority of the frames are more than $68. I hate that my cell phone broke or rather is forever frozen and there was nothing ATT could do to fix it. Which resulted in me having to buy a new phone. Keep in mind I had been wanting a new phone for quite some time since the other one was freezing a lot. But with this new phone everyday, I have to go on to ATT website and unsuspend my phone in order to call, or send text messages. That leaves my phone free for about a good 10-12 hours tops. Ive notice lately my phone has been restarting itself for the past 48 hours, needless to say I am not a happy camper. I am probably in the minority for this, but I miss Samsung S3 over my S7. I have yet to come across anything on my S7 that I honestly thought was better. It was basically $800 to those two things right there.

I did receive a new bed after 17 years, I have upgraded to a FULL. I have mixed feelings, to be honest, I haven’t been sleeping well. Despite that it’s a bigger softer bed, I switched from a firm to a soft; I guess i’m still getting used to it.  I went out to lunch and movie via my aunt for my birthday I did have blast, although I had a real bad migraine and felt like my brain was on fire… I had placed in a request to take out my retirement on the fifteenth. I just received a notice and I only got a few hundred dollars. Mind you what was in the fund was a little over $2000. I know you have to take out some for tax purposes, but to only get back $446.20 is ridiculous.

I’m left with this scenario, I’m unemployed, I only have a couple of hundred dollars to me name. And it looks like what little break I thought I would get, I won’t have.  I’m exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. All I wanted to do was have enough money to cover me for a few months while I simply relax and heal. I am exhausted! But with the way things are going, it looks like I’ll have to hop right back into the work place before I am actually ready for such a commitment.  I don’t understand the lack of rest for the wearily. I know we could use a break. But I can’t help but wonder when is my break? I tried calling my retirement people. sixteen minutes on the phone waiting listening to the theme song of X-files. I kid you not, that was the ring back tone. I got fed up and hung up. I’ll try again tomorrow morning.

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Quick Change of plans

Okay, so I had to push my date back for turning in my resignation. I want to wait until my income tax comes in (I’ve been pushing mom to get a mom on with that. She rather wait until the second week of March. My birthday is in the third week; and I am ready to leave my job like yesterday). But I am definitely leaving in March (somewhere within the first two weeks). I am so ready to leave and start a new chapter.

Last Friday, was my last day of working a full shift (the Secretary) was out of town. Thank goodness for that. Have you ever had a pretty busy morning at work and think to yourself, “man, I am so productive a couple of hours must have flew by…” only to check the clock and it’s only been fifteen minutes!  I had been planning on leaving a letter for the person that comes after me along with a “how to” on all the important things he/she would need to know at some point. I feel as though for the first few weeks at my job everyone is understanding and patient then after that. It’s more of “you messed up on x…y…and z.” constantly. I think of it as a hazing period when I think of that time.  Whereas if those issues had been corrected at the beginning there wouldn’t have been any issues. At the time had I not needed the job. Seriously, I would have quit within the first three months. I just didn’t like how I was painted the scapegoat. When I was watching people make mistakes everyday and yet listening to them parade themselves off to me like they were perfect. Although things have gotten better now. I didn’t forget anything.  However, the more I thought about it, there is a part of me that believes I need to start pulling back on the reigns. What would be the point of the letter and the helping color coded notes if they never make it to that person because the Secretary feels as though they “shouldn’t” know that particular information ahead of time? More so, No one left me notes when I first arrived…the last few people we had in the Secretary position did not have ambition nor initiative. If was as if they needed someone to tell them  to do their job. IF they are any indication of the person after me; I suppose I won’t waste my time.

Needless to say, all I wanted to do was simply sleep in on Saturday, I had been feeling sick the past couple of days.  However,  my mother had other plans for me. I was taken on a shopping trip for my little cousin who wanted a “Red Polo Jacket” we drove to Massachusetts for that. Only to discover they didn’t have one. She didn’t have a CPU code or name. Then we went to the restaurant Depot. Didn’t care for it at all. I think if I wasn’t sick and freezing I wouldn’t have minded but since I felt like crap. I felt no need to hid my feelings.  Side note, while in Massachusetts i saw this tan Trench Coat; I’ve wanted one for quite some time and mom kept pushing the color “Red” on  me. “No, you would look better in red.”  As I thought to myself, “okay, but honestly, how often do I actually wear red? Don’t get me wrong, I look great in red. But I feel as though I stand out too much in Red and would prefer tan.” So after hours later when we are home, I wake up from a nape and she brings in this red trench coat and has somewhat of an attitude, “try this on, if it doesn’t fit or you don’t like it let me know. I’ll take it and get my money back!” Let me go on record for saying, 1.) I hate window shopping. I am one of those people who shops with the intent of buying. If I can’t buy I don’t want to go. 2.) I hate when people ruin a present by making it about them. There was no , “if you don’t like it, let me know and I’ll get you something else; is there anything you are interested in.” or simply giving them the item without the receipt so they are force to kept the item. I don’t know . It just seems like all she wanted was her money back. If someone told me what they wanted for their birthday, I would get them what they wanted instead of auguring with them over what they want and trying to push what I want for them. It’s not a bad coat. and I still want a tan one. I feel like I could wear that one around more than red. I will simply have to go out and get me a tan one.  I wish people knew how to give a gift and leave it at that instead of trying to make others feel guilty.

 

Okay, so you can’t go; why does that mean the party is over for me?

Hello everyone  and welcome back once more. I am proud to say I am roughly near the end of my book. Which will be my first longest fictional writing piece of my life. I am really proud about how far I have come. This is a piece I do plan on entering into a contest. Even if I don’t win; I know I most likely will end up competing with really strong writers who may have years of experience and writing degrees under the belt. It’s okay, I am just proud of myself and how far I have come. I always told myself; the main reason why I write short stories is because I just don’t have it in me to write long pieces of work (I truly felt as though I just physically…couldn’t write a novel). I just honestly didn’t feel as though I had enough material to write a novel (I am literally 11,890 words shy of a novel). That, and I didn’t want to write a boring novel. I wanted to write something that is an easy read; gets to the point, and most importantly, the characters and story line are interesting enough to keep the reader engaged. I didn’t want to put in side stories within the story and have my reader think, “okay, where the hell is she going with this?” I really am proud of myself; more importantly, I am proud that I proved myself wrong. I kept focusing on why I couldn’t write a novel. Instead of focusing on reasons why I can. When I write a story, I don’t do it with a word count in mind. When the story is finished…it’s finished. Some stories only require a few pages; a quick light read. And some stories, take longer, but they are worth the time and effort.

Moving on to to other news, we know the first week of January of this year; I got hit by a car waiting to cross the street. Well yesterday, I went out to Wal-mart again, and I almost got hit by a car trying to get to a parking spot. It was around 1:34pm, You know how cars like to drive through the parking lot spaces? well, there isn’t anything wrong with that. But , for some odd  reason yesterday; all the cars were in a hurry to get somewhere the lot was half packed. I don’t know why people were in such a rush especially, with some many cars and people around. Everyone knows if you must drive there parking spaces, you have to go slow. because you don’t have the right  away when crossing between lanes, and that you can easily hit another car or person.  So the car ends up missing me and I get into my spot. So I get out the car and I walk about two parking spaces and was literally about five feet from a car crash that almost happened right in front of me. And elderly couple was coming out of their space they were in mid turn. And this other car comes up the lane full speed not paying attention and almost hit the elderly couple head first! Thursday on the way home from work, I am trying to get into the median to make a left turn, I was getting into the median, this school bus comes out of nowhere full speed and almost takes out my left side. I know he saw me before he decided to come flying through.

And finally, the topic of this post. So the big 2-9 is coming up in a few months, I already took time off work months in advance. We all know the last few birthdays have been shitty at best. And that really is putting it mildly. I had planned on going to Montreal last year. I was like, “well wouldn’t it be nice to go this year.” I had planned on going to get my passport on the Fifteenth of February, which hopefully I would have it in time for my birthday. My mother yet again, invited herself on the trip. I thought to myself, “I don’t know why she invites herself on these trips it involves walking; and she hates walking.” Imagine, trying to enjoy yourself while someone complains about every single thing. My mom decided she wants a new car; Okay, nothing wrong with that. Her: “I think we are going to need to cancel the Canada trip. How upset would you be if we couldn’t go to Canada? Once I get the car, there won’t be enough for the hotel and your aunt says, its very cold in March. We may need to push it back to April or May.”

I’m still confused on how my birthday has to get cancelled just because she can’t go. It annoys me to avail. I understand she is going to buy a car with her money. But what does that have to do with me going on a trip with my money? And I don’t want to go on a fucking trip in April or May. Why is it such a hard concept that I would want to celebrate my birthday on my actually birthday! My birthday only comes once a year, literally there is 364 days to get one’s shit together for my birthday. I don’t understand why issues have to pop up during my birthday. Everyone Else’s birthday; there isn’t a problem. But my birthday has to be the most “inconvenient time of the year.”- Her words, not mine, growing up. For the last six years my birthdays have been shitty! there is no cake, no happy birthday song, no present, no special dinner, no flowers. All that shit I had to buy for myself! Do you know or realize how hurtful that is when your own family makes that day feel insignificant? I get it, birthdays after awhile don’t mean much to certain people. But it means a lot to me. I don’t want another birthday, where I am alone at home, I had to buy my own cake or donuts and the only light in the room is from the musical birthday candle for that is the only way I will have someone sing me happy birthday, like last year. Or the year before, all that driving to D.C to only be able to walk around for two fucking hours because mother could find the hope diamond. She complained the whole entire time and took over the trip as if the whole entire trip was about her. It wasn’t her day, yet she acted like it was. The year before that, she ruined the ballet for me. She had to complain about the performers, complain about the ticket cost, and parking. And I was the one who paid for all of it. I think this year would be a great year if I don’t have her with me. That way, for once the spotlight can be on me for a chance.

And I always go out of my way to make everyone feel special on their birthday, everyone deserves to be acknowledge on their birthday! I don’t think I am asking too much to feel like a fucking rock-star on my day. I don’t want any stress or any problems. All I want is twenty-four hours; where am the star of the show. Where my feelings are validated. If I want to go to a restaurant; we go to a restaurant. If I want to watch a movie; we watch the movie, without complaining about my choice or the price of the ticket. I want to go some place I have never been before, I go.  I still plan on getting my passport and I do plan on taking myself, somewhere. I fucking deserve it. I don’t know where I will take myself but one thing is for sure I want to be out of state. I want to honestly enjoy myself.  Unfortunately, I have a lot of friends that are married, engaged and have kids. So they can’t just up and go…a lot of my friends have either just recently, or are currently on vacation so I don’t think they would have the free time anyway. So for my birthday, I will be solo…as usual. This is my last year in my twenties, and I personally, would love to have an epic time. I think I have been through enough hardships and fucking curve balls; their emotional scars will last a lifetime.  I want to have fun now, I want to enjoy the moment instead of hoping the moment will end and stop hurting me. I want to enjoy myself and all the new moments that are coming, instead of being surrounded by negativity and bad energy.

Which brings me to a question I have for all of you; I know all of you are coming from various parts of the I would like to know is there any state you would recommend that I visit? I have already been to New York, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut and Arkansas.

Sometimes You just need to decompress

Hello everyone and welcome back once more!

This post is going to be a little short and it won’t be a rant. So Last Friday, after the incident (if you’re not sure what that was, feel free to read the post before this one). I came home to a response from a potential agent. who informed me that “getting short stories off the ground for a new writer is hard. Especially, if that writer doesn’t have any of those stories already published. Good luck somewhere else.” Not going to lie, that hurt my pride a bit. But then i decided to look on the bright side; 1.) she didn’t say my writing sucked; so that’s a plus. 2.) starting from the ground for her, might simply be too time consuming. 3.) I’m gong to take some of her advice. WordPress is my platform, Before WordPress I had Xaynga (I know we’re going back) until that site basically shut down and I lost all my work! Fast foreword to now, I decided to either add a page or make a new WordPress that is linked to this WordPress that will be specific for my stories!  Now I know not everyone will like them; and I was a little worried about someone stealing my work. But like with most things in life, one must take a risk. I’m constantly talking about my writing, And what’s a writer without readers? Essentially you guys are my target market. I figure I’ll start posting some stories here, I could build up a “fan base” and from there hopefully agents will find me to be more marketable.  If no agent still wants me by the time Income Tax comes, I’m going take a proportion of that money and self-publish; it’s 2018 time to get the ball rolling. I have a lot of stories bouncing around in my head and I would love to share them all with you. The best part about the blog is, hopefully someone will like my stories and give me some feedback.  Or suggest a writing prompt! I’ll be sure to keep up with both blogs! Once I have the other site set up; I will edit this post with the link.

Once again, thanks to all my loyal readers and to engaging with new ones!

*The link to the new blog is The Writer’s Guild 

I hope you enjoy my work, and I hope to hear your feedback.

That Escalated Quickly…

Hello everyone and welcome back once again. Happy 2018. I know we’re only five days into the new year but hopefully, you’ve been well and life has either eased up or halted on the cruve-balls for a bit.

As for me today, started off good. I went to bed really early last night due to a migraine. So I was up at 7:45AM, Took my shower (oh btw the shower is fixed and we finally got our hot water to run again in the kitchen yesterday!) I got the car all nice in warm. I did a quick run to Wal-Mart because my paycheck didn’t kick in until 4:09pm yesterday instead of it’s regular 11:45AM. Which means I had to wait until today to get my medication and the cat food. It was snowing a lot yesterday. So I grabbed my items, and then went to the gas station next door. Finally filled up the car (It hasn’t been at a full tank in weeks!) I also bought my lottery tickets, I splurged a little.

Yesterday, the new Secretary found $2 in her new dress that she bought from Kohls and the other secretary suggested she buy a power-ball. So she went to gift shop in the hospital and bought one (I didn’t even know they sold lottery tickets in the gift shop) She’s like “first I found some money, then ran into my aunt who bought me lunch. I’m feeling really lucky about this ticket.” Do it make me a bad person if I hope she comes nowhere near that jackpot? I’m not jealous; she comes from money, she’s always going on vacation and she’s always shopping. She’s always on her phone looking up something to buy and telling me about it; as I am surrounded by a mountain of work. She normally has work to do as well but she would rather spend her time, texting, or on social media or shopping

! It’s not her fault that she comes from a good family and nice financial background. Perhaps, she is under the delusion we all have similar backgrounds…  It’s just I wish people would be more thoughtful to those around them. Not everyone is blessed like that. Yeah, we had a nice Christmas; where for once, there were presents and we had lots of food! Thanks to mom getting a piece of grandma’s estate (the family sold the house) but that’s not our reality everyday, It sucks to be the poorest person in the room.  I said it once, and I’ll say it again I don’t mind losing to someone who is either equally passionate if not more or very qualified than me. But I hate to lose to someone who is none of the above and who doesn’t deserve it.

Although, I was able to get my medication this morning. It did not stop my migraine from coming or from me becoming very nauseous. I did take some of my medication, but one of the side effects is nausea. As much as I didn’t want to go back to Wal-mart I went back to get me some anti-nausea medicine. Today, I was involved in a hit and run, I got hit by a car. It backed right into me before I could cross the street to get into Wal-Mart.   You know where the door to the home and garden section door is at Wal-Mart (I’m assuming you have a Wal-Mart in your city that set up similar to mine)? I was one lane over from the door waiting to cross. I right behind this big car. I don’t think the driver saw me, if he/she had checked his/her passenger mirror they would have saw me. While waiting for the cars to go by. The car backed right into me. They hit my left hip/backside😦. I was pushed forward( they backed all the way out) and the car jumped a bit.I know they felt it. The car comes to a complete stop the driver doesn’t get out. Doesn’t ask if I’m me if I’m okay. I moved to get on top of the…divider you know where the tree are with the wood chips that separates the parking from the crosswalk. The car was stopped for about five seconds and then it drove away. I feel some pain but I don’t think it’s bad enough to go to the doctors. I was in shocked that they didn’t ask me if I was okay, there is no mistaking the impact that they hit me. It wasn’t until I had posted on my social media that my friends had informed me I was just in a “hit and run ” I’m only use to seeing those in dramas I assume the car would charge full speed hit someone and keep going. I didn’t know a hit and run could be like what I had experienced…At first I was in shock, as I walked through the store then I became angry, I couldn’t believe that bastard had hit me, and even more not bother to ask if I was okay. I was contemplating asking Wal-Mart security to view the footage to get the police involved.  Upon speaking to my bff of the north, she said something that struck a cord with me “I hate how all this stuff happens to you.” Thankfully, I have no bruises. Wearing that big heavy coat really absorbed a lot of the impact.

I hope you’re all have a much better start to 2018 than I am.

Okay , So My Wish Won’t Be Granted; Now What?

Writing Prompt: A genie that doesn’t grant three wishes but rather, offers the user three chances to go back in time to a specific moment…

Time is a very funny issue. When you are young you naturally believe you have all the time in the world to accomplish anything and everything you want. And why wouldn’t you? After all, your relatives are the one who put the idea in your head in the first place “Oh, you have plenty of time before that!” “Oh, you have a long life ahead of you.” At some point, usually a specific age (it’s different for all of us) we wake up from a nice sleep and it finally dawns on us just how much time has passed. We have to accept that “tomorrows” we thought we had,  are running out. Crunch time hits us. Without realizing it, a huge proportion of our lives are over.

I am in a particular place in my life. Just when I finally thought I had taken the car out of neutral, the damn thing stops moving…again. I am surrounded by friends and colleagues who seem to be in a constant state of having their shit together. While I am stuck over here at the side of the road with a car that won’t move! I am envious of others and their ability to simply move forward whereas I cannot. I am truly proud of everyone and the new/various chapters everyone is on. But I can’t help but wonder; when does my chapter change? Or rather, has it been changing but the damn plot-line is not going anywhere.  So upon coming across the writing prompt listed above I thought it was a very interesting scenario. I don’t get a chance to change my future but rather, an opportunity to go back to a specific time in my life, I can either choose to relive it or change it. But even if I change it, who is to say that things will change for me?

So I mulled on the idea some more and decided the first moment I would like to go back and change is going back to my very first driver’s test. I would ace it the first time around. Most likely, I won’t get a car. But hopefully that summer before Junior year I could get a job, save up some cash and get myself a cheap used car. I envied my friends that all got their licenses before me, because their parents took time to properly teach them. Keep in mind, I am the product of a single parent home. Whereas everyone else had two parents, and usually one of them took the liberty to teach their child.

My second moment would be Senior year of college; applying for Graduate School. This time around I would call Boston University and obtain the correct address from them so I could send my paper work to the right building. I would also change a few of the places I applied to. And I would also apply back to my Undergrad school for Graduate School.

I couldn’t think of a third moment in my life I would want to go back to…But I wonder if it would be possible to travel to future and see my future biggest regret. IF I knew what that moment was; I would avoid it like the plague. It is nice to play “what if” but I know I have to accept the way things played out. I know there is that whole theory of “perhaps, it’s for the best.” But I would have liked to have seen what would have happened if things had worked out like they were suppose to…

It is that time where I need to start looking for another job; in terms of being more aggressive with my search. Working in a hospital; has taught more about compassion and understanding than any other field I have worked in. But, I feel as though it has raised my annoyance and anger at insurance technicalities. I don’t care for office politics. And I am at that point where…the question randomly came to mind “if they would agree to increase the pay, would I stay.” My answer is honestly, “no.” I am at that age where money cannot buy me time. And I rather spend either a good chunk of my life or the rest of my life doing something I am actually passionate about and interested in. I could say “It’s not about the money.” But I would be lying, a small part of it is about the money, however a huge part of it; being recognized for my time and effort and all the hard-work I put in job. I feel like I have worked my ass off without much to show for it in every job that I have done. I feel as though employers know when they have a worker that is hardworking with zero complications/ scandals etc. I feel as though they keep adding on tasks, but the money doesn’t increase. I feel as though I am not afforded the same relaxed attitude as my peers because I am part-time. Because I am just an “office assistant” who has the training of a secretary; and who has helped train the last three secretaries, but I don’t have anything to show for it. I spend a majority of my shift just shouting in my head “I hate it here…I’m not happy here. I want to do something else…I want to leave this place and never return.” I know for me it’s about being in a place for way too long. I understand my hesitation about leaving: The bills will not take a break, Unemployment sucks, I hate the application process of “oh, look at me I’m different from your other applicant!” or that damn question “why should we hire you?” I hate the reference requirement. I don’t like asking people to vouch for me. It’s like you don’t know me, you don’t know anything about the people I listed for recommendations but you’re going to call them and ask them to vouch for me and from there you will either take their word or you won’t. That whole process just flairs up my anxiety!

As much as I would simply love to just for once come into a large sum of money and take the easy way in life. I know those odds aren’t in my favor and I need to do the right thing and plan ahead. I’m thinking of continuing my search into a writing job, even if it’s only for a blog. Every little bit of experience helps! I’ll try to look into that this weekend. I’ll also look into doing more queries.

2017 Has Been A Roller Coaster Ride

Welcome back again everyone!

I know I always say this but, it really has been a hot minute since I last posted. My lack of posting mainly had to do with WordPress not letting me post. And me having to type on my tablet, which by the way is very time consuming!

I hope all of you as well; mentally, spiritually and with any luck financially! Can you believe it the holidays are almost upon us! Speaking of which, my mom came into a little extra cash this year; I didn’t know she was going to share but she did. And the for the first time in years we’re finally going to have a nice Christmas! A while back I did pick up some bow-tie and necktie for Alexander, and mom told my brother one was for Smokey, so I begrudgingly had to give one up. Which sucks since pet costumes or outfits aren’t cheap….and he makes more than me. It’s like if you liked it so much why not buy your pet something nice just because.

Which brings up a question has there every been a time you got something for yourself and someone else either helped themselves to your stuff (like clothes, shoes, jewelry, movies/games etc) or better yet; did someone lie on you and tell someone that you bought someone else something when you didn’t?

I believe I may have mentioned this in my last post….I was working on editing my book to get it ready to send in to literary agents. Let me tell you, the process of looking up literary agents is very long. Or rather, finding the agent was the easy part but the writing of the Query (which for those of you who don’t know, it’s basically a book proposal – some people say its only suppose to have 500 words other say you can use the whole page. You are basically selling your book to the agent. the first few sentences is “why did you pick that agent” it’s not the time nor the place to give any information or demographics on you. If your agent picks you, they will ask for that later. And rest of it is giving the summary of the book(s). From what I had noticed, if you chose to do snail mail, the agent is going to want a sample of your work; which is understandable just a few pages. Which I think is much better than the email that only wants to Query without the sample. Sometimes I just don’t think the synopsis is a great indicator if a book will be good or not. I’ve ready plenty of synopsis’s in a store from a book I thought would be good until I either got the book home or read a few pages in the store and realize I was wasting my time and money.

I also noticed certain agents like to use different terms to basically say the same thing. I came across a term “terse query”, it means a basic one page,” get to the point” query. Which is what a query is suppose to be anyway.  I was so peeved I had spent five minutes looking up what the hell a terse query was. Needless to say, I didn’t apply with her. There was a lot of reading that went into looking over the agent’s profile to see what genres they work with. the listing the books etc. There was only a few that had specified that they liked working with new authors. And then there was some where their profile was almost blank. I wasn’t sure if i should take that as a red flag or take that as a good thing (in a sense that they might be open to working with new people). I also noticed some discrepancy in some profiles, on the outside it would say they participate with a specific genre or they were accepting queries and then I would click into the profile and that genre would not be mentioned or the would say “not accepting queries a this time.”

There are a few things I don’t like about writing.

1. Writer’s block. Especially, when it’s in the middle of a story or after a very interesting introductory.
2. The spelling and grammar check on long works. Going over that autobiography was so time consuming! I remembered thinking to myself “see that right there! that’s why I don’t have it in me to write a novel, I can only do short stories.”
3. The Query. I visited several sites  and was still somewhat confused. some sites were more helpful than others. Finally I did google images so I could get a template idea. Once I did that and I got the first query done I saved it as a template. It made apply to agents SO MUCH EASIER! all I had to do was change the agent’s name and pull out a sentence or two from their profile so make it more personal and show I had actually read their profile, after all, you have to be care about who you decide to send your work to.
4. Choosing the agent. For me it felt more like a silent interview. And I needed to pick the person I felt would honestly do my books justice. I did pick twelve people to send my work to (still waiting back on eleven responses). I am very proud of myself; last weekend was so time consuming by the time Sunday night came I was so mad, I didn’t get a weekend; I spent it working.
5. Feeling shy/awkward to tell everyone about this project I’ve been working on, I don’t want to jinx myself. I even bought books to help with my writing. Mom asked why I don’t take a writing class-I don’t have the cash for that besides, reading the book is cheaper and easier. I found a few that have great example. A lot of the stuff they talk about I actually do in my stories I just never knew the technical name.

I mentioned above I am currently waiting to hear back from eleven agents because; one did get back to me on Friday. Unfortunately, my work didn’t grab her, but she was very nice and encouraging. I like that line of “don’t get discourage; I’m just one opinion in a company, it’s possible had your request gone to someone else, they would have like it. When it comes to an agent; you want to get one who is just as passionate about your work as you are so they can do a good job and sell your books to publishers…” All I could think was, that is the nicest rejection letter I have ever received.

Also on Friday, we had the company lunch. Don’t get me wrong it’s not a bad event, I just didn’t want to go. To be in such a close setting for about 2 hours with no place to escape to. I knew the side effects of my disability might become more apparent. I had saw my doctor on December 1. He increased my medication from 300mg a day to 900mg. Now one of the main side effects to my medication is : memory loss/ trouble retaining information. I  was having memory issues prior but since being on the medication it has gotten worse and more frequent like every day…frequent. There were a lot of “huh” moments and not knowing at all what is going on. Naturally, someone would make an off collar comment about me being “bored” and tuning people out. It’s not me doing that I just can’t…focus. I could be in the middle of a conversation with you and then suddenly stop talking mid sentence and not have a clue what we were talking about.  Thankfully, I made it through the lunch everyone wanted to know about my “happy pops” they are alcohol infused lollipops. They sound good because they are that good. Everyone liked their Christmas cards (I only do humorous ones).

Back in November I did enter a contest with a coworker for a free lunch from a radio station, we won! but would you believe she made it sound like the whole idea was hers? the idea was mine but since the company computer wouldn’t let me on to the site and my phone kept freezing. She offered to enter in for me. once she did that my phone finally unfroze and I was able to enter. She took all the credit. and the coworkers gave her praise; for thinking of them when she did not.  Not once did she correct them and say “no not me, WE won.” But that’s okay, I see her crystal clear; I won’t make the same mistake twice.

For me 2017 has been the year of change and getting the kick in the ass I needed. Finally i decided to pursue my writing career. After all the stories I like making, it makes sense to share them with the world; I find the writing process to be very therapeutic for me. If the whole “Agent-publisher” thing doesn’t work out for me. Then I’ll go into self-publishing. I am at that point where I am ready to try a different avenue in the career field, particularly with something that makes me happy. The whole working and stressing myself out for a job…just for a paycheck and not a hefty one at that, isn’t working for me anymore. Thirty is  around corner and I’m just sitting here with a thought “what the hell have I been doing all this time?” I’m working my ass off with nothing to show for it. It took a lot for me to let the therapist thing go. Perhaps, I’ll revisit that career path later on. But for right now, I’d rather have career where I set my own hours, I could travel (writers need to experience things to have something write about!) And deadlines… for the most part and most importantly, I want to do something I am passionate about. I was passionate about psychology, but after that cluster fuck of a downhill since 2012 I know I don’t have it in me to counsel someone or to pursue that path.

So far I have two books that are typed up, just waiting on an agent to “pick me” I have the third book written it just needs to be type. I have already started jotting down synopsis’s for the stories for fourth book all I need to do is find sometime to sit down and write it all out.   I’m over the office politics and drama, phone calls and charts. I’m still hoping some extra money comes my way….but I’m not holding my breath on it. I decided to stop reading my horoscope and numerology so much. My solution isn’t written in the stars…it’s a blank piece of paper that I get to fill with anything I want to place on it. As reassuring it is, it’s also daunting. I wish I knew a writer who could point me in the right direction….

Speaking of directions, I am wondering if any of my readers have ever watch the children’s show “Happy Ever After : Fairy Tales For Children” it comes on HBO. Well the reason I ask is, I was wondering why there isn’t a concept for an adult show. The producers could use short stories from a writer each chapter could be an episode. That could have different actors playing the characters or they could use the same actors. I think it would be nice if they used unknown actors to give the actors coming out a chance to shine. It would also be great publicity for book writer as well. Naturally, if it’s going to be a show a screen writer would have to be brought on board.