2018 Recap

Hello everyone,

It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance once again. I know it’s been FOREVER and a day since I last posted. I am going to hope and assume all of you have had overall an fantastic 2018. Mine has been a downward roller coaster and that’s putting it lightly.

Before we get into it, Can i just say watching New York’S NYE celebration on television left me feeling very underwhelm. I don’t have cable so i had to use YouTube. i don’t think the camera men knew depending on which stream the user used, there was either: No volume, one was split into five different screen, and the one who did have volume and one screen, only showed that blonde hair girl who couldn’t sing. Around 1am i looked up the line up and discovered that there ware other performers, I just missed them. I checked around at other countries. To be real, only Dubai delivered on overall presentation.

There are a few things I have definitely learn from 2018.  Lesson one: always read the fine print. And even if you think you know what’s going on, reread it before any major changes. For example, when I cashed in my retirement.  Back in April, I gave up $1500.00 because I ended it before three years.

Lesson Two: Moving on job wise is never easy. Unless you already have job lined up and even then things can go sour. I met a guy who got a job across the the USA  and he convinced his wife to sell the house and leave her teaching job. Only to get there for a bit and find out the job is gone. My feelings are, how does one get another job without references? The answer is you can’t and it’s not like your current employer is going to give references. It’s as if others want people to stay stuck in a place with no forward moment up.

I have been through a roller coaster of bad luck that just won’t quit. Just when i think I have a moment to breath something else happens. It’s hard to stay positive when there isn’t anything to be positive about. Not going to lie, I wish life was like a game and with just one tiny step; I get rewarded with a “Get out of Jail” or “Do Over” card. Wouldn’t it be nice to simply rewind time back to a moment when you believe things went south and change everything with the knowledge you currently have? Unfortunate, my luck sucks and life just isn’t that way. I feel as though I am perpetually stuck in neutral . While the world continues to pass me by.

Speaking of life passing me by, My thirtieth birthday is coming up. I’m still unemployed, it sucks not having a phone, relying on someone else for calls means I miss a lot of phone calls. Seems like this years a little more so than last is going to be a crappy birthday.  I desperately need a change of scenery. Writing would do me good, but so far I am drawing blanks. My mind feels like  half painted canvas. The urge to finish is there (write a new story) but the motivation is not.

Hopefully, I will hear back about something soon about a job. Because so far nothing is going my way.

However on that one in a billion chance things do finally look up for me,  I am hoping to either visit, Seattle, Philadelphia or LA for my birthday. I need a vacation like you would NOT believe.

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The Unemployment World Is Such A Pain To Navigate

Hello everyone and welcome back once again. I hope all of you doing well and getting your best life. My life on the other hand seem to be a constant state of, “This Totally Sucks/ How can we make Recie suffer?” I seriously cannot stand how much my life actually sucks.

1. I am forever stuck in a constant state of rejection mixed for dejection. Its like despite all my hard work and amount of debt I placed myself into just to get a decent job, in the end it was all for nothing.
2. Have you ever a read a job post and thought to yourself, “Wow. finally an easy job that I can totally do and excel in.” Only to scroll down the page and find out they want Master’s degree. They will accept a bachelors but you have to come with seven years of experience.  Seriously, What…the …actual…FUCK?! why would I need to do the same repetitive job for seven years straight with minimal change just to qualify for your job? Let’s be real, the job in question  does not require bachelors or a masters. Literally you could get away with doing that job with a high school diploma. Honestly why would anyone want to place themselves in debt for that job?
3. I hate how job posting lack flexibility when it comes to prospective employees. When it comes to a job candidates, they all want the “perfect employee.” They want a person who has all the check marks on their resume.  All I am saying is, if I had all those qualities, they would have to pay me my worth.
4. I hate how all jobs are far away. I have a car. It needs new brakes. In an ideal world I would not mind driving to a job that was a total 20 miles around trip.
5. Okay, so I am a little behind on my phone bill and because of that. They keep cutting the service (they did that when i first bought the phone too). It’s to the point where the service will only last about an hour. It pains me and pisses me off to no avail. That there might have been plenty of call backs about jobs. But because the phone company decided to cut the service, I missed out on those jobs. It’s like you would have had your money by now had you not cut the service.
6. I wish all companies had this system where if you were not what they were looking for. One, they would email you to let you know. Two, they would take your job and send it to another facility is really close by. Or let you know, “hey you are not a fit for this job but we have jobs x..y…z for your consideration.
7. I hate how long and tedious the disability and now DSS process is. I am truly sick and tired of jumping through hoop, climbing mountains to prove something is wrong with me. I am tired of filling out paper work and answering the same damn questions over and over, going to interviews and being rejected.
8. I am fed up with family members bring up financials woes around me. I feel like they are low-key telling me to get a job. The who process is annoying. It’s a total killer on my self-esteem. I just cannot figure out when did I become such a loser. When did I become so undesirable that no job wants me?
9. I hate that my mobility is now limited. My kneecaps suck. Stairs are not my friends and even after sitting for a bit when I go to stand up it really hurt, my legs feel like they cannot support me. This problem really limits me on what I can do living wise and job wise. I really am sick of this endless bad luck.
   
   

   

A Few Things That Have Been Irking Me

Hello everyone and welcome back once more. I know like usual I have been gone for longer than a hot minute. Unfortunatley I haven’t had anything to update about and I do not wish to bore you all with the trival.  So instead of talking about this phase of my life that seems to be a current standstill. I figured why not talk about a few things that I have been seeing over and over that is really irking me. <side note, hope you are all doing well>

 

1. Redundant commercials. There is one commercial/ ad for this game where you are going back to 14th hundreds and you start off as a slave/ peasant and work your way up to concubine and then hopefully empress. I hate it. One, because I have seen it far too may times and two, because I feel that it is a poor representation of the past. All I could think is, “why are they encouraging pimping oneself out to the king?” I always hated how the current queen could be kicked out of her role if she doesn’t give the king a “song” or if the kind would rather be with his new “toy”. Women had it so rough back in that day and there weren’t any laws to protect them at all.
2. advertisement that do not interest me or appeal to me. I noticed lately on those YouTube videos, if you hit the skip button sometimes it doesn’t even let you skip. It makes me watch the whole video even after I have pressed that button multiple times. I have said this before but I wish there was an app that could alter ads to cater to the user preference.
3. Two questions I hate when it comes to interviews. .) Why did you leave your old job? Is there a nice way to say, “too much work, low pay. stressful environment. Oh, and I hated my job with a passion.” Which out sounding like and entitled jerk? and 2.) Why do you want to work here? “Uh…you have a job opening for a position and I happens to meet the vast majority of those qualification for the position?”
4. I hate how I can’t seem to find any good shows on Netflix. I found a werewolf show. “Bitten” spoiler alert. She outs the whole entire clan to the humans (the whole show she kept complaining that she got turned into a werewolf). All I could think was , centuries of trying and maintain this secret and she chose to gave it all away… the vampires must be having a field day with this one! It was a good show until last season half way though when it felt like they got all new feminist writers and changed the directions of the story line completely.  I don’t mine a female leading the pack as long as she knows what she’s doing. But giving her the job just because she’s a female. Was just a dumb choice in my opinion.
5. Side note, last week I almost got into two consecutive accident (car.) The first car decided to cut me off and the send car an elderly man drove in the wrong lane and almost hit me head on. I was so shocked I forgot how to use the windows, so I got out as he stared back at me unsure and I yelled at him to reverse his car and get into the correct lane.
6. Did I or have I ever mentioned how much I hate hot weather. Hot weather is only for those who have A/C.  All we have are fans. All that is doing is pulling in hot weather. Hot weather makes me sick. I need fall to hurry up and get here.
   

   

   And finally, I hate what this heat is doing to my hair. There is just no relief in this house.

New Things That I want To Try Before I’m 30

Welcome back again everyone.

This list is based off of the article, “22 New Things That I want to Try Now That I’m 22.” By Sarah Maria Sena Soares. Feel free to google her if you want to see her list.

I just happened to come across this article and I thought to myself, “I want to do a lot of these things.” As we know this is a ranting to blog. I feel through this blog a lot of you know what I don’t like/ cannot stand in life. And what my annoyances are. So I figured why not take this time to share more information about myself. Thus, having a post that isn’t a recap or a rant.

• Go Sky Diving. I always wanted to do this. But I want to jump attached to an instructor. If I like it them I don’t mind jumping by myself. I knew a few teachers who had done sky diving and they loved. it. I feel internally that I am a control who realizes I cannot be in control. So, what better way to reaffirm that then to jump out of a plane.
• Go bowling. I am the only person that I know, who has never done this. You would think i would go since there is a place literally down the street from me. But I have no one to teach me.
• Try out skiing. Believe it or not I always wanted to learn how to snowboard. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love Winter and I love snow. So for me to get into winter sports would be awesome! I wanted to try out in high school but mom kept telling me, “You’re black. Black people do not play in the snow!” *insert side eye*
• Travel to at least one European country. For this December or for my birthday it is my goal to finally put my passport to good use. I want to either go to, France, England or Ireland for a week. For me I always wanted to go to France I had an opportunity to study in France and due to  a lack of funds I could no go. So for me, it would be an epic and awesome opportunity to make up for a lost adventure. Ireland, I know seveal people who have gone and they loved it. England my penpal of 18 years lives there.
• Visit at least one of the Seven Wonders of The World. I know a guy who went to see the Taj Mahal. I want to see  the Great Wall of China. I wouldn’t mind seeing the Taj Mahal but due to the media’s portrayal of India. I am worried about me going there. I have to admit that’s what sucks about being a woman. Especially a woman with an Independent spirit such as myself there is a urge to go off on my own and do my own thing. However, as a woman I have to be very vigilant about crimes against women. Let’s face it,  a woman particularly, if she’s somewhat attractive is very likely to get kidnapped. Versus her male counterpart.
• Learn how to swim so I can learn how to surf. I always said if I ever get a chance to move to California (providing I get over being scared of earthquakes) I would totally either adopt braids or dreds and become a surfer chick. Keep in mind this is in my fantasy world  where I have enough money to the point I don’t have to work again if I don’t want to and I can spend my days doing things that interest me.
• Learn a new language. I am trying to learn Korean and little bit of Mandarin right. But definitely, if I could take a language class that would be amazing.
• Take up a dance class. I did Zumba back in college. My favorite dance is the waltz believe it or not. I would love to learn the Cha Cha, Tango and any other type of ballroom dancing.
• Travel to a state I haven’t been to. Has been my goal for the last few years. Unfortunately this year I was unable to go to Canada. Otherwise I would have tried to pick a different state. I want to see California, Texas (even though the only reason i would go would be to see a friend.) Florida (Disney!- I may be 29 but I am a total kid at heart!) Ohio (we drove through Cincinnati on the way back from college from what I saw of the town I really loved it. Maryland I want to see D.C again this time without my mother to ruin my trip.
• Try a zombie run with my friends. I would need six months notice to get in shape.
• Get my palms read. I have been wanting to do this for so long! But there isn’t anyone within 50 miles of my home. I know it may end up being a total load of crock but I am hoping I come across someone who actually knows their stuff who can give me much need insight!
• Learn how to fly a plane and get my pilot’s license. This is something I hadn’t taken seriously or even thought of until I started playing the lottery seriously. The mansions I was looking at had a ton of acreage and a helipad. I believe they said it’s sixteen weeks to become a pilot. If my future is ever in my favor, I plan to do a lot of traveling that requires flying. I think it would totally come in handy to know how to fly.
• Go hiking, I did do it once back in elementary school. It totally sucked but that’s because they had us do it in the middle of the afternoon in 95 degree weather. I would like a partner to come with me and for us to do it around 7 am when it’s still cool.
• Some will find this to be odd but… You know how their has been criticism about people putting raisins in the Mac and Cheese or potato salad? They normally call the character “Karen.” I personally want to try the food and find out if it really is that bad. For me it’s about being open to new things.

What are some things you want to accomplish within the next year or so?

I Want Off The Merry-Go-Round of Rejection

Hello beautiful people and welcome back once more! I have been gone for what feels like forever and day.  My apologies, for what it’s worth I hope everyone has been having an awesome Summer thus far and life has been going well for you.

I wish I could say my life has been going well but as you can see from the title things have not been running smoothly at all. I don’t remember what we discussed last time. So, let’s do a quick recap.

• March 28 I filed for disabilities. It was a long-drawn out process. On May 17 I was told to come in and see one of their doctors I was scheduled for two appointments but the last one cancelled and they didn’t feel the need to let me know. So I had to come back on June first to finish the second half of exam.
  

  Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

• June 1 my car mirror fell off at the house I did not notice it until I was at my destination  about ten miles from my house. When I was a quarter from my house I literally look at my mirror and didn’t even notice it was missing. Sad part I even looked at that mirror (my right) to make right turns but didn’t notice it.
• June 22 the decision was made and I got denied. They felt my condition was not disabling enough. The stated I could lift up to twenty pounds and stand for 8 hours (total lie, I cannot my balance suck and my perception is somewhat off. I kid you not on the daily i spend time walking into door frames or the wall when I went to go out of the door.)
  

  
• Before June 22 I figured since it was taking this long there is a strong possibility that due to past experiences that things will not go my way. So I did apply for unemployment, I figure if it doesn’t work out I will head back to work. I just received a paper last Thursday that …. you guessed it I was denied. Which sucks since online they still let me weekly claim but I cannot get any money. They said I left my job for no good reason and I took no steps to get help or keep my job. Firstly, I have been seeing a neurologist for two years. If, that is not taking steps to get help or control my condition I don’t know what is. Secondly, I hated my job with a passion. It was eight hours of work jammed packed into four. The pay was not that great. Heaven forbid I fell behind because of the amount of work, I would get a talking to. Yet those constantly one their phones or shopping on the computer didn’t get any thing. I spent majority of my day screaming in my head, “I HATE MY JOB, I WANT TO QUIT.” I felt that I stayed as long as I was going to, and that i learned all I could and I simply platitude.
  

  
• During the mix of all of that, I almost got scammed. By a vanity publisher. Thankfully before I signed the contract I googled the business and nothing positive came up. You may be wondering, “Well Recie how did you get in that situation?” We all know I have two completed novels under my belt. I want to get them published. So I either googled publisher who are accepting submissions for authors without and agent. Or a newsletter to a blog I follow had a list of publisher accepting submission. I went on the publisher’s website and looked around it seemed legit to me. Upon receiving the contract the part that tipped me off that this probably isn’t a traditional publisher is when they asked for 2300 British Pounds which is roughly $3082.33 USD. I don’t mind self-publishing if the author has the cash to pay for everything. But if it’s from a legit company and I am forking over that type of cash I want majority of the royalties if not all. Since I would be paying for every feature.  With Vanity Publishing, you are paying money for a service as in self-publishing but you don’t get much of  a say in the whole process, like the cover, or reviewing the editorial process. I hear with Vanity Publishing, you end up with a crappy version of your book and you lose a chunk of your rights as an author. Here is a link if you want to read more into what Vanity Publishing is Vanity Publishing.
• I did hear back about a job and the pay was 15.75 and hour. Forty hours a week. I was ecstatic. Not only was the place within a twelve minute drive from my home. It had nothing to do with retail or medical field. The pay was weekly versus by weekly and had good benefits. More importantly if I did get the job, it would be my first job where I would be making that kind of of money,( usually I am paid minimum wage (which makes it really hard to catch up on my bills). Which help me get debt under control.  The lady asked me to contact her back to let her know which days would be best for me to discuss the job with her. I contacted her twice and never heard anything back. So I am taking that as another rejection.
  

  

  

  
• Not for nothing, but I am a thousand percent sure I am going through an existential crisis.

This whole process from the technicality with my retirement plan- still not okay with the fact I basically just forfeited $1500 by not staying 7 more months at my job. To everything I just listed. This was suppose to be a relaxing time for me. However, it has been nothing but stress and hectic! It hurts that I didn’t win my disability claim. despite going to the doctors since 2008 for this condition, at the end of the the day someone who does not have this condition decided this was not serve enough to stop me from working, that it doesn’t interfere with my life.  Needless to say, this has not been helpful for depression.  I feel like I am drowning and no sees it. Or if they do, they honestly do not care.  I have been entering in various contest but have not won anything. I took a quiz to see how I was doing in life, out of a scale of ten. I got a 4.2. I also took another quiz that said I was a strong candidate for borderline personality disorder.

I am not going to lie this constant merry-go-round of rejection has been horrible. Each blow is a huge hit to my self esteem. Applying for jobs has not been easy. I am starting to wonder if I am idiot or if I simply lack experience in every category. I am pretty sure what I lack most right now, confidence, and appropriate reactions to deal with the negatives in my life. Side note, I did an exercise today, where I took eyeliner and wrote how I really feel about myself/ whats going on with me on my skin from the waist up. What was most interesting to me is where i choose to write the word, “HELP” I put it on the inside of my arm so I had to turn it in order for it to be expose, almost as if wanting help was a bad thing….

Update

Hello everyone and welcome back once more!

I must say this whole process of dealing with disabilities is very long and annoying. I started the process back on March 28. And a decision about my condition has not been decided upon yet. On one hand I understand, they need to be thorough and make sure. However, I’ve been seeing my pcp for since 2008 for my condition and for the past two years I have been seeing a neurologist. There is plenty of documentation of my condition.

Since the last time i saw my doctor (neurologist) was back in December 2017 I had to go to the doctors that disabilities provided and have them check me over (which is fine by me).  The first appointment was May 17th at 2:15 I was there 1:45. When I got there that is when they informed me that 2:15 had cancelled and needed to be reschedule but my 3:15 was a go. That really bothered me. They never called me to reschedule or inform me that one of my appointments had been cancelled. Had i known ahead of time I would have came closer to the 3:15 didn’t help that, the receptionist had an attitude.

Another thing that bothers me are the questionnaires. literally they have given me the same piece of paper with the same questions six times! I don’t understand why i need to fill out the same exact information six times.  So, due to my lack of funds I tried to reschedule my next appointment pretty close to the May 17th one. The receptionist in a snotty voice is like, “We will call you to reschedule!”  They never called me to rescheduled. On all of those questionnaires they said they tried to contact me, they never did!  So they pushed the appointment out to June 1st ( it’s killing my buzz, I need an answer now, do I wait or go look for another job).  Which is annoying, the appointment only lasted about fifteen-twenty minutes. And the doctor who was really nice and shocked to hear that I go unconscious with my Hemipelgic Migraines (he wondered why in never went to the ER. *Side note June is not only PRIDE month, but it is also Migraine /Headache Awareness Month!), said that he would send his notes over to my doctor who would in turn make their decisions and send it to DSS. I should receive a letter within a week with a number I can call to find out my status. Here is what annoyed me, I can go online and check my application status. But so far nothing is there.It stops at April 4th where it is decided that they need more medical information.   That is what is frustrating to me, I think there needs to be more of a status update. I get that this process needs time, but I believe they should consider the fact that, not everyone has three months to waste. I also just read today that if I am approved it can take 4-6 weeks before the first check comes in! I’m just like so you’re going to make people wait 3 months for the application process. I think the process should only take a month and half tops. Especailly if it’s easy to prove. For those of us going to the doctors for the same conditions for years one end…COME ON, why would we spend that amount of time and money on a condition we don’t have?

Then make them wait another 4-6 weeks for the first check. Perhaps, I feel so frustrated because I do have this disability; I am reminded everyday I have it, but because of the time constraints  I am forced to go look for another job before I honestly feel better.  I wish I could say I honestly enjoyed my break, but do to curve ball after curve ball, I’ve been a stressed out nervous wreck.

The only positive thing I can say about this whole adventure is that I managed to knock out my new novel “BLENDERS.” It along with my other novel, “I Hear Your Voice.” is on inkitt.com  Feel free to check both stories out, best part is, it doesn’t cost you anything to read them. But if you could do me a favor and leave me a review that would be awesome!

I HEAR YOUR VOICE

Freaking Mountains

Hello everyone and welcome back. Long time no see!

Okay, so I did finish my last day back on the 14th. I actually showed up to working wearing a dress and heels I said goodbye to everyone and helped train the new girl. Wish I was given more than just a day to help her. But she seemed to be picking up things just fine and I left her a binder with a “how- to” on everything.

Getting back to the title of this post; I am fed up with these “mountains” life keep throwing at me. I don’t care for this obstacle course called life. Its like I take a few feet forward only to be pushed ten feet back.  I hate that I didn’t really get to enjoy my tax return. The stuff that wasn’t covered by my insurance for my vision which was only $200. Came up to $369, seriously in 2018 it makes no sense to charge for each eye lens for a glasses. All of us are born with two eyes. The frames along with the glasses should be one flat rate. I hate the misconception about the frame pricing. Where it says, “Frames start at $68” I think they should get rid of it. Since majority of the frames are more than $68. I hate that my cell phone broke or rather is forever frozen and there was nothing ATT could do to fix it. Which resulted in me having to buy a new phone. Keep in mind I had been wanting a new phone for quite some time since the other one was freezing a lot. But with this new phone everyday, I have to go on to ATT website and unsuspend my phone in order to call, or send text messages. That leaves my phone free for about a good 10-12 hours tops. Ive notice lately my phone has been restarting itself for the past 48 hours, needless to say I am not a happy camper. I am probably in the minority for this, but I miss Samsung S3 over my S7. I have yet to come across anything on my S7 that I honestly thought was better. It was basically $800 to those two things right there.

I did receive a new bed after 17 years, I have upgraded to a FULL. I have mixed feelings, to be honest, I haven’t been sleeping well. Despite that it’s a bigger softer bed, I switched from a firm to a soft; I guess i’m still getting used to it.  I went out to lunch and movie via my aunt for my birthday I did have blast, although I had a real bad migraine and felt like my brain was on fire… I had placed in a request to take out my retirement on the fifteenth. I just received a notice and I only got a few hundred dollars. Mind you what was in the fund was a little over $2000. I know you have to take out some for tax purposes, but to only get back $446.20 is ridiculous.

I’m left with this scenario, I’m unemployed, I only have a couple of hundred dollars to me name. And it looks like what little break I thought I would get, I won’t have.  I’m exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally. All I wanted to do was have enough money to cover me for a few months while I simply relax and heal. I am exhausted! But with the way things are going, it looks like I’ll have to hop right back into the work place before I am actually ready for such a commitment.  I don’t understand the lack of rest for the wearily. I know we could use a break. But I can’t help but wonder when is my break? I tried calling my retirement people. sixteen minutes on the phone waiting listening to the theme song of X-files. I kid you not, that was the ring back tone. I got fed up and hung up. I’ll try again tomorrow morning.